Regrets, we all have them at one time or another. Some of us have them often, and some, rarely at all. The thing with regret is that it taints the moment, a moment that no longer belongs to the timeframe in which the regret took place. Living in the 'now' is so important, and most of us know that these days. Living in the 'now' is important for a few reasons. One reason is, you only have so much energy for today, for the things you have to do today, and for each moment that you experience in a particular day. Regret zaps you of the energy you ordinarily would have allocated to the task at hand. Another reason why living in the 'now' is crucial, is because now is your power moment. It is the moment where you can focus on what you are doing, or saying, it is where you can plant seeds for tomorrow- like "every day I feel more productive, more joyful and abundant." And lastly, 'now' is sacred. Because if you have a 'now' it means you are alive. And if you are alive, the world and all possibilities are here for you to seize upon. But regretting, it takes all these wonderful gifts and like that bird flying above you that needs to relieve itself of your neighbor's birdseed- well, you know where I'm going with this. And this is what regret does to those wonderful gifts.

For those of us who don't have many regrets, we've learned how to either, use a highly tuned awareness in most of our dealings, or we have learned how to emotionally detach ourselves from those people or things that seek to provoke us to recklessness. Both of these skills take a level of discipline. You see, focusing on a situation and acting with maturity, or responding to a person or thing and choosing our response wisely both take an ability to control our wild impulses. And when I say 'wild' I don't mean that in a negative connotation. I mean wild, liking it almost to natural, or untamed and free impulses. It is wonderful to act freely, and when we learn to tame our lesser instincts, we can afford to behave freely. But when we haven't tamed our inner impulses, we end up with, well, many regrets.

I suppose some of us haven't tamed our lesser instincts because in all honesty, for many, it feels really great to just let go. It's almost like 'sex' in that way. And it can feel pleasurable to be in the moment, to feel the strength of an emotion and just release it. But, since I am using the sexual experience here, I might as well add that even in our sexual encounters, like wine that is aged is far more tastier than wine just bottled straight from the vine, our sexual emotions are greatly enhanced by a disciplined 'brewing' as well. Alas, so it is with our interactions, that they too are greatly enhanced when the mind is focused, and the emotions are not fully let loosed in a state of abandonment. There are after all, some interactions or moments that should just die right then and there. And so you can ask yourself when in a dialogue or moment that feels edgy, do you really want to give this moment in time even more life?

Having said all of this, how then can those of us who suffer from an abundant of regret, overcome this? Before you find yourself in the midst of life, knowing what you might do or not do, has vast importance. Think of all the youths out there who were in a car of a friend who suddenly decides to hold up a gas station. The passenger youth stays in the car riveted by the insanity of their friend, but without a plan as to how to respond to criminal behavior, they remain in the car and after driving 5 blocks in an attempt to get away, they are cornered by 4 police cars. "Oh!", we bemoan, and say, "If only he/she'd gotten out of the car the moment their friend went psycho." This is drastic, yes, but how many adults have "accidently" cheated on their mate, spent much more money than they intended on a shopping spree, gotten pregnant unintentionally, blown up over finding tools missing or dishes in the sink? Now you get the picture. Yes, we have to know how we want to respond to life.

The other suggestion on how to avoid regret is to not respond to anything when we feel strong emotions. And when I say strong emotions, I don't just mean anger, or pain, I mean hunger, feeling on top of the world, or feeling incredibly attracted to a person. In other words, if you are in a situation that takes you by surprise, for good or bad, and your feelings are a bit out of control- take a moment, take an hour, or a few days, and just think about how you would honestly like to respond to that situation.

Here are some suggestions that can help you to avoid regret.

• Choose to be peaceful or calm at all times.

• Choose to not allow material things to provoke you into acting impulsively, i.e. someone accidently hitting your car, breaking your tools, spilling wine on your rug, etc.

• Never make unintended purchases when you are feeling overly elated.

• Don't make food choices when you are hungry – in other words, have a healthy default meal, and don't stray from it because you are ravenous.

• If you choose not to have casual sex, only go to public places on the first few dates. And after that, as you are still debating when, never visit the 'no fly zone'. In other words, no hands below the belt, yours or theirs while in the debating stage.

• When you become angry, have a phrase that you always use to give you time to think, such as, "I don't like what's going on right now, but we'll talk about it later." Or if you prefer to be less direct you might say, "I'm just going to listen right now, so you go on..." Come up with your own phrases if these don't work, but use and stick to them, even when provoked.

• If you find your feelings hurt instead of lashing out without thinking, you might say, "You may not mean how you are coming across, so I just want some alone time right now", or "I'm just going to listen for now."

The most important thing we can do to avoid regret is to respond wisely, and to avoid reacting. Responding is different from reacting and implies the use of our higher faculties, whereas reacting is often viewed as a purely emotional act. When we are feeling emotions, we are unable to think clearly, and when we are in the thinking mode, it is difficult to access our feelings. Having a healthy balance is what we should all aim for. By the way, there is nothing wrong with spontaneity, it is a splendid feeling to be like the wind and flow freely. The only problem with being the wind, is if you are the sort that usually ends up hitting a wall. That is regretful. Yes? And so if you love being the wind, simply do the work and learn to navigate with wisdom.

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