There are many who feel that they are a mystery to themselves. They don't really 'get' why they feel angry when their mother-in-law comes around because, really, she is a nice person. They may not understand why that particular smile from their child brings tears to their eyes or notice that every time they get upset they want to just "chuck it all"! There are so many areas that you may not understand and this may be because you haven't learned the tools to understanding yourself. You go to school to learn math, or about anthropology, but there isn't a class offered that teaches you the Art of Living.

The way you do this, is the way you do everything

This saying is worth millions in that it is often very true. Nothing is true all of the time, so it's not good to generalize, but often the way you do something, is the way you do everything. Take for instance a boss that is always late for meetings and always promises to return paperwork to you that he has to review, but never returns in the time frame promised. There is a high probability that your boss is like this at home as well. He promises his wife that he will fix the stuck window frame as soon as he gets home from work, but that was two weeks ago, and the window is still stuck. Another example of how his actions spill over into other areas of his life may be seen when he and his wife have to go somewhere, like to a good friend's wedding. His wife is waiting in the car fuming and annoyed while he stands in front of the mirror fumbling with his tie- and it's always like this. When and if he gets a promotion, you can almost count on him taking this pattern of unreliability with him. As for his awareness of his behaviors, he barely notices them. Oh sure he notices how annoyed people seem to be with him, but from his vantage point, every situation seems unique and separate. He doesn't see that he is unable to stand by his word no matter who he is making promises to. He doesn't notice that everyone is always waiting for him as well. Yes, he sort of notices it, but he doesn't see how chronic his behaviors are. If someone were to tell him that the way he does this, is probably the way he does everything, he would be amazed at the magical spider web of commonality that reaches out into so many aspects of his life. And the wonderful thing is that if he works on his unreliability he cleans up so many other areas of his life all at once.

Feelings are stored in the body

Another method of getting to know yourself is to explore how your feelings are experienced inside your body. There is a book called Focusing, written by Eugene Gendlin. His website Focusing.org describes the process of focusing in this way, "Your body knows more about situations than you are explicitly aware of. For example, your body picks up more about another person than you consciously know. With a little training, you can get a bodily feel for the 'more' that is happening in any situation. From that bodily feeling come small steps that lead toward resolution." In other words, your body picks up more information about your experiences, traumas and life in general than you know. You can learn to, in quiet moments, notice those bodily sensations. Often they will feel "heavy" or like "butterflies" in your stomach or they may feel "sharp" for instance. There are many sensations that you or someone else may experience, but the important thing is to get in touch with a situation that is troubling you or that you are curious about, and go within to sense how you body has internalized it. As you begin to sense the feelings in your body, they begin to change, or shift because of your awareness and your interacting with it.

Eugene Gendlin calls the sensation in the body a "felt sense." He says, "It lies behind your thoughts and feelings and is significant and full of meaning. It is a message from your body to you, and will speak to you when you listen. Contacting the felt sense is the important first step of Focusing." When you become aware of this felt sense and identify it, your body begins to communicate to you. It may say that the reason you get teary when you son smiles at you in that particular way, is because it reminds you of your grandmother who you loved dearly. When you really learn to go inside and get in touch with your body's felt sense you can find out things about yourself that surprise and fascinate you. And that's really the point- to get to know your self. The truth that most of you don't know is that you are truly the most amazingly fascinating experience you will ever have! It may not appear that way now because the majority of you are so busy being distracted with TV and work, or so afraid of your emotions because of all the crap that has happened to you. But there's no reason to be afraid of what's inside of you, or to be more exact, there is no logic behind avoiding it because whatever is inside you is affecting you whether you have to courage to look at it or not.

Here are some tips on getting to know your self better:

• When you feel something, take a moment and notice how it feels inside your body.

• Notice where the sensation is lodged within you, is the sensation in your heart area, is it in your solar plexus or stuck in your shoulders like the weight of the world?

• Notice the patterns in your life by asking yourself do you do everything in the way that you are doing "this"?

• Let go of judgments. Imperfection is your natural state, it is normal. Whoever tells you otherwise or expects otherwise is living in a fantasy world and on an unhealthy road.

You are like a gem beneath the soil, be excited about getting to know yourself.  Many may have forgotten, or just never knew, but You are the reason you were created.  You were meant to explore and get to know the wonderful Being that lives inside your heart and mind.

Copyright Donya Ture'

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